learning

I learned in therapy today that the grieving doesn't really go away, you slowly gather your strength to function at a normal level. While I am functioning better today than I was last week, the grieving is still there. It's almost like a linear roller coaster. I will always get stronger, but the sadness will still be there. Some days will be really bad, but some days will be okay, all while maintaining a continuous momentum upward. I thought that was eye opening for me. 

When I'm sad, like tonight, I listen to sad music. It helps to feel the true emotion. I never want to not feel sad otherwise I will never get better. I am the type of person who likes to hide behind a brick wall and put on a happy face, however you cannot do that with grieving. I cannot pretend I am happy. I cannot pretend that he's not here. I have to be me and I am okay with that. 

I did not learn how Scott died today. I did not get my hopes up that I would hear back from the ME. I will deal with that when the time comes. 

The unknown really hurts. I wish I had resolution. I am ready to know, but will have patience and faith knowing that he went peacefully. Until I know otherwise.