I didn't think I would ever get out of this tunnel, I am happy to say that I do see glimmers of light about my future. I understand that everyday will have it's challenges, I also fully understand that I will be okay.
My grieving process started in November, because by this time, I thought I had really lost my Scott. I remember having him, as himself, in July. I feel like it all went downhill from there. It's painful how it all happened so fast, but as I think through 2010, I think there were signs as early as January that his health was declining. I can't go back and change anything. I cannot beat myself up about what I've pieced together between his death and now. I can only know and hope and he is okay now.
The focus has to come back to myself and I need to make sure that I am okay. It's very hard for me to do so. I get so caught up in helping others (just in general) that I can easily lose track of me. I will work on this and continue to do so, as long as it takes. My natural instinct to help and be a caretaker is a quality that I admire in myself, however finding the right balance is where I struggle.
I'm so happy that I have a therapist who will help me and who supports me. It makes this process a little bit more manageable to know that I'm doing well and I'm human and I'm ALIVE.