denial. shock. sad. pain. acceptance. anger. peace. repeat. repeat. repeat...

Sunday, July 10, 2011


Today is your birthday. Although it's not really a day to celebrate for me. What becomes of your birthday? I think in time I will be able to think of this day as a celebratory day...but today it's not. Today is a day when we should've been in LA. Should have been reliving our engagement a year Today is a weird day.

I'm in Chicago, surrounded by love, but you're not here. Maybe you're with me and I don't even know it. Maybe you're not.

I am going to Bahai temple today to grieve. I've never heard of this place, however I hear it's beautiful and very spiritual. It's a place where I want to remember your life and remember how you loved me and tell myself that you're exactly where you need to be.

I don't even know if I can say happy birthday, as I cannot celebrate your birth because your death is still too fresh. Six months today. At this time 6 months ago you were pronounced DOA. A day that I will never forget, but a day that has forever changed my life, as you know.

RIP Pumpkin. You're always on my mind, especially today.

(I will write more later. I know I will be hit with a lot of emotion and sadness when I'm at the temple...)

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