denial. shock. sad. pain. acceptance. anger. peace. repeat. repeat. repeat...

Tuesday, August 9, 2011


I'm reading a book from a lady who tragically lost her husband, it's called 'Signs of Life: A Memoir' by Natalie Taylor. She's from MI and it's the first book I've actually read and continued to read since Scott's passing.

I relate to how she views grief. She says it's like losing an arm. Some days you are like "okay, I can do this" and other days you say "what the hell? I cannot fucking live like this!" Well, I put my own spin on her words, but her words are exactly right. I wish there was a reason to why some days are okay, and other days are not. I wish I knew what would trigger me today versus tomorrow. I could look at the same things all day today and be fine, then those same things I looked at the day before, could put me into a severe bout of grief.

It's tiring. I'm tired from it. I am having a hard time functioning, yet again. Or caring about certain things, for that matter. I want to fly away and escape from my mind. It's so frustrating. All so fucking frustrating how it controls my life, I cannot control it yet. I'm not sure that I will try because when I do, it usually comes back to bite me a lot harder...

If you're going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill